Please find below my application essay for the post of LJ Idol Season 7 – Villain
A little about me
My name is marjory and this will be my fifth season writing for LJ Idol and reading the occasional Green Room. That feels like it accounts for a rather large part of the last 3 and a half years. Lawdy.
I work occasionally as a translator but more often as a wrangler of cats. Yes, hours of my day are spent retrieving ping pong balls, coaxing kittens to eat, trying to stop them from eating what they should not and being actively ignored. Cats feature a lot in my life, a good feature for any villain. It's canonical.
I Also Speak German!
In this incarnation, I get to be mobility impaired. This is something I am working against/around. Chiefly I try to consider my little malady the equivalent of having a recalcitrant 3 year old to account for, one who likes to scream, yell and tantrum “GIMMEGIMMEGIMMEIWANTIT NOWNONONO!!!!“ and occasionally, disastrously, get into the cupboard with the fingerpaints unsupervised. Then again, that might just be me. Anyway, 3 year olds are nice sometimes and will grow up. In the meantime, the mobility-impaired thing and villains? Canonical.
Dr. Who Rocks!
I am also British. CANONICAL! THREE FOR THE PRICE OF ONE! BARGAIN!
Gratuitous Alan Rickman Reference
Hobbies include, reading, writing, role-playing, music, eating sushi and quietly plotting world domination.
What I can bring to the role
- Subtlety - This will take the form of a devilishly ingenious double, triple or perhaps quadruple bluff. In person I have sometimes been described as being as subtle as a brick, but then again this could all be a pose calculated to keep my public guessing. Accordingly, the genius of my villainry will be its invisibility to the naked eye. No personal attacks, no tantrums, no bombs dropped. I will simply place myself at the disposal of the other players as being someone potentially suspected of having a basement pool full of sharks with laser cannon, a world map full of blinking LEDs and my own sinister cadre of kitten ninjas. Or not. It is just possible that no-one will know who I am. I would be the most grise of all éminences
- Bile - No, I'm pretty phlegmatic really, but I do have a lot of opinions and am prepared to rant about them, if the mood strikes me. Like the best villains, I have incorporated a fatal human flaw in this regard, particularly when it comes to the picayune nature of many of the things which annoy and impress me.
- A Low Boredom Threshold - I don't care if someone chooses to write poetry, prose, fiction, haikus, plays or present interpretive dance videos, as long as they have something to say, they haven't said it 20 times before and they are doing what they want. A true villain has not only the above quality but a vision of how they would like the world to be
– with me in charge and all kneeling at my feet (except for kittymichaels for obvious reasons) -, which can, of course, change at a moment's capricious notice. That is quintessential villainry.
Why does LJ Idol need a villain?
Why do fish swim? Why do birds fly? I think that people, fundamentally, want someone or something to blame for the background annoyances in life and I have sufficient time on my hands to be that personification, whether people realise it or not.
Next time your favourite doesn't get the votes you feel that he or she deserves, it probably won't be on my account, but I am prepared to cackle and rub my hands as if it was, if called upon. Same as when the last cookie disappears from the plate, when someone confuses 'less' with 'fewer' or someone posts 'First!' in the GR when they are actually second or third, I will happily be considered to have been there even though I was nowhere around at all.
In conclusion, vote marjory for LJ Idol Season 7 Villain to save someone else the bother and let the good times roll!