I glance down at my foot and see, with great alarm, that one toe is covered in red, slathered with it, to such an extent that said organ must surely be halfway to hanging off.
dr_mitch: Argh! What the [bleep] did you do?
Me: I don't know! I don't remember doing anything at all! I just looked down and it was like this!
dr_mitch: Bleurgh! That isn't good. Oh shit!
Me: (Bravely, O so bravely!) If I wipe it, will you look and see what I did? Is the nail missing?
Me: How about the top of the toe? Is it still... have I done something to that?
dr_mitch: (swooning slightly...) Not that I can see. But yegods that's a lot of blood...
Me: (Looks at tissue) Oh. Nope. Sorry. It's jam. I'm a slob, but an uninjured one.
Please feel free to have fun acting this out at home, kids. Then weep for us.